the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
