New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
