u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
