the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
