I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
