Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
