The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
