I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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