We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
