In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
