I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize