Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
