Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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