You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
