I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
