Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
