Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
