I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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