he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
