why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
