I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
