Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
3 2 1 whiskey
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
