I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
