rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
thus making me awesome and them whores
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
