My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
