I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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