just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
