I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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