At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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