I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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