Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize