I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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