there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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