Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
