I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
whose ass print is on the piano?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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