gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
