I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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