my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
