Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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