He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
