mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
