I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
