In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
