you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
I'm really busy with my period
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