Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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