I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
