We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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