Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
