My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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