I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
