You can't motorboat a personality
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
