i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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