i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
pray to the hookup gods
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
