Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
