I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
