I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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