I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
