Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Drunk walkin through police station. America
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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