porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
