I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
third nipple confirmed
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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