i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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