Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
